Women, Breasts, and Empathy

Here we are in October, a time known as the peak of fall and also Breast Cancer Awareness month. I love fall for the cooler weather, hopefully rain, autumn colors, scarves, and festive moods. For any survivor, it's a meaningful month because breast cancer is far too common world-wide. In my mother's time, there was little medical help or research. Shame surrounded the disease for women, and empathy or any conversation about it was more secretive. My mother didn't even tell her best friend. Fortunately, between medical advancements and organizational support today, women like me have access to options for healing and surviving. My diagnosis was 13 years ago and while grateful, cancer hangs over. my head, which is highly common. And here is what I've learned about empathy for another's journey you may have heard of or encounter.

It became clear to me as I went through my own 6-year journey, that everyone has their own history, hard decisions to make, and hurdles to overcome, which includes some women having a partner and family support, where others (like myself) are or were on their own. There are so many factors or perceived ideas about what the ordeal is like. Interestingly, I found that the men I knew or even came across displayed more surprisingly sincere compassion toward me than a few women

I thought would be empathetic. Their own fear could be a factor. In my case, it was straightforward genetics. Here are a couple experiences I will share to avoid incase you an opportunity to express empathy as opposed to judgement or uninformed comments. Early on during my path, I attended a women's gathering I have been a member of for more than twenty years now. I showed up regardless of pain. We go around and update on life, business, etc. There was a guest of a member (a stranger) that had her turn to speak when she looked straight at me and said, "What contract did you sign with the universe to attract cancer into your life?" I was rendered speechless. Who the hell was she to say something so callous and no one in the group stood up for me. I was stunned and stung to the bone.

Since Trump, cruelty has become normalized. And MAGA claps for cruelty inflicted on human beings described as the "other". I'm not speaking of pity toward a person going through hurt but empathy to a fellow-human no matter their color of skin or gender is something Jesus would do from his teachings. Here is one example of a MAGA sentiment on empathy: Musk stated that empathy is "the fundamental weakness of Western civilization" Have we fallen so far? We are also living in a time where women are treated as 2nd class citizens as if we're living in the 1950's. Women are told to stay home and breed, and at the same time, denied emergency health care over a life-threatening pregnancy, health care insurance with no options, or struggling to put food on the table. We have hungry children in this country.

I'm grateful for the close women friends I've had that have been my touchstones, supporting me

through my painful and trying experiences. And my medical team took great and compassionate care for me. I have close friends near and further away that have known me for decades and we are aligned. I would consider myself spiritual but not religious. I do want to urge women who meet a woman going through a scary health crisis (who may be a stranger or acquaintance) to please accept where they are in the moment and not dismiss their anguish. Also, I've encountered women that consider themselves highly 'evolved' believing that all happens for a reason to hold back on saying anything that may come across as a person attracting a cancer into their lives as if the fault lies with them. Trust me, that's not how it goes and I can honestly say it's never that simple. No one knows what it's like unless they themselves go through a life-threatening crisis. Grand gestures aren't needed. I experienced small acts of kindness that touched me to my core. One came from a nurse who picked up a blow dryer to dry and style my hair. I felt entirely nurtured.

Empathy is an exemplary character trait. Great humor with a loved one is healing in its own way. What can I say, I cherish witty humor and whether considered funny or not, self deprecating humor (that I possess) makes me laugh out-loud. It's a type of shared intimacy and empathy. I could be accused of being extremely empathetic. I am an empath, which sprouted from me as a wee child. I'm continuously concerned over the suffering and struggle inflicted on the helpless, innocent,

over the suffering and struggle inflicted on the and our mother earth. Animals and wildlife are a divine gift and not anything to abuse or kill for sport. I'm not pro-life but pro-child as I watch children murdered, starved and killed under this regime and other dictators initiating wars and cruelty. I am exceptionally protective of any and all I care for and fierce if the situation calls for it. It's my nature but I'm sure it also comes from abandonment early on and not feeling protected myself as a sensitive being. I've always turned to nature in my moments of stress, hurt, love, fresh air, and exercise.

Children, like animals depend on our empathy and respect. What I do believe, is that there is a divine intelligence that has created the beauty we are blessed with. It is a privilege to enjoy nature and the delicate balance where every animal, bird, mammal, insect, and plant has their own job to do that creates our elegant planet. Regardless of the current administration's distaste for climate crisis, we are the planet's caretakers

I read a quote from Frank Lloyd Wright that I immediately connected with and what I explain to those who aske me about religion - "I believe in God, only I spell it nature." Exactly!

We are living in a time where empathy is shattered. This fascist regime and those who support and celebrate an unprovoked illegal war causing the death of our military, thousands of children, innocent civilians, is unconstitutional. ICE thugs terrorizing communities, and gestapo actions along with concentration camps without due process is inhumane. Women are treated like 2nd class citizens as if they are living in the 1950's where they are told to breed, stay home, and sexual assaulter survivors are spoken to as if they are the guilty ones. Women need to stick together and stand-up against a misogynistic fascist regime. My father taught me to be a fighter and do what's right. Having convictions is a positive attribute, and if intense or passionate about democracy or women's rights, so be it. We are never to be shamed, called piggy, low IG, or any other faux macho slurs.

I say this to honor women and what women endure and survive even if they're afraid to vent feeling as if they must come off cheery. Empathy is not a show of weakness but compassionate strength. Here are a couple suggestions of the many organizations to support this month:

https://www.bcrcsb.org Breast Cancer Resource Center Santa Barbara provided great care and comfort to me and hundreds of others for emotional and healing sessions such as Reiki. BCRC is national and exists in most states.

https://sendmeonvacation.org/ Send Me On Vacation is an organization that provides international retreats for women survivors and those in treatment. I was sent to Mexico for the retreat and respite to all the sisters attending. I later took my workshop "Living and Healing Through Color" via the director, Cathy Backus to Tuscany, Dominican Republic, and sent to Rome to write about a freestyle experience. They are an awesome organization and women benefit from a respite and sisterhood. They are some of the most blessed adventures I've ever had.

Please vote. And for those in Santa Barbara, I will be with Indivisible to ceremoniously drop our

ballots in an official drop box at City Hall on Oct 17th. Details available online and begins at noon. And for those who read my blog and published work on my website, my heartfelt thanks. ❤️

Keep on swimming through life,

Valerie Anne\