Fall Light, and a Reason to Lift the Fog
If you look closely, you'll see a rainbow through the tree. It was a beautiful sight after rain and a signal of hope for things to come. Sitting on pins and needles so long, I wasn't sure if I'd begin to find comfort in seeing light at the end of a decade-long MAGA tunnel. Only the gods know what might happen in the next two months. For now, I'm thankful in the month of Thanksgiving. The color, beauty, and crisp air of autumn is my favorite season of the year.
My hope is for a new, progressive beginning and breath of fresh air that produces integrity and
decency. We have a younger, diverse group coming in to our government and I trust that we'll see a sea change for great things to come.
I believe the majority of people in this country (even the world) have a lot of PTSD to heal from. The decade-long reality of trump evil, cruelty, war, corruption, death, suffering, and struggling, as well as, for many women, the idea of a convicted rapist all over the Epstein files in the oval office without any accountability and consequence is a travesty. Worse, the Epstein survivors not receiving the justice they deserve is unacceptable. As a survivor of sexual assault myself, it's infuriating to see these pedophile guilty white, rich, and powerful men believing they are untouchable and above the law. I'm looking forward to comeuppance with the new guard coming in.
I have been in an existential crisis of sorts. I haven't felt very motivated or inspired... lost. A big reason for this is my health. My chronic fatigue & pain from an immune disorder has worsened in the last few months, mostly due to stress and heartbreak. I am far too sensitive and ever-the-empath take on the hurt of others. I've been this way since a small chilld. Lately, I've been foggy-brained,
disoriented, and forgetful. I feel guilty, especially for the fact that my writing has gone to the wayside. My shoulder replacement seems to have caused repercussions of permanent damage to my hand, especially my mid-finger that is swollen double in size with no mobility and no strong grip in my hand. Numbness in the fingers post-surgery is common but it lasted and turned complicated. I've been tortured with a shot in the finger, so painful that I nearly passed out that ended up not even working. I just received a 2nd shot on the back of my wrist for another try and if that doesn't work, I'll have to get surgery on my finger. I have bruises on the outside and inside but I am a warrior and pathological survivor.
I have been poked, prodded, and sliced from multiple surgeries and breast cancer in this last 15 years that I am a pin cushion washed in trauma. I'm working my way through things and have support from friends and therapy. I've noticed that there are many people all around me that are going through difficulty. I'm on my own and often feel isolated. By nature, I'm a partner person. My greatest purpose is to be there for others. I don't want anyone to feel alone or left out.
After surviving breast cancer, I found purpose in writing my memoir with raw truth and beauty
with the goal that my journey may be of inspiration to others and feel less alone in their own life crisis. I also creating a workshop, "Living and Healing Through Color"for breast cancer retreats.. If you've gotten this far in my blog and are going through something physically or emotionally challenging, I am open to hearing from you.
It's important to have purpose. I am intending to breakthrough on being stuck and get back to my
writing and find a new beginning, especially since we are in a blue wave. The people spoke, others woke up and spoke by voting blue. The arts and nature are my favorite ways to escape. I've been volunteering with the State Street Ballet for nearly 18 years. We had our annual gala in September and our opening world premiere ballet Oct 30th Dracula, A Dark Shadow, which was spectacular and mesmerizing. I was so nervous pre-midterms that it took me to an alternate universe. I worked the aftr party pouring wine with a big crowd. The energy was infectious. We all have our outlets that bring us joy.
Wishing everyone a Happy November and Thanksgiving! My heart is uplifted knowing positive
change is on the horizon. I'm intending for a new beginning for myself and anyone else hoping for the same.
Keep on swimming through life,
Valerie Anne
Comments