It's Coming Up Birthday

It is officially autumn, my favorite season and perhaps many of you look forward to crisp air on your cheeks. We all know how time gets away from us. I remember thinking how silly it was to hear dad say it often enough at a time when I felt invincible. Dad was right and like my mother, they died far too young missing out on celebrating as many birthdays as I have. I came across the birthday photo above with my friend's famous coconut cake, and recalled where I was at that time and all that's passed since. Truth is, I was in pain and scared in this photo but so happy to be with friends. I didn't know what would happen next in the middle of breast cancer or how many years it would take to be on the other side, or if I would be on the other side. I know it's a miracle that I'm alive and all it took to be sitting here today more than a decade later facing another birthday at the end of the month. I am fortunate and I am grateful.

All the milestones, challenges, and magic we live through and experience is wondrous. I'd love to get ten years back though the long period of health crises that I've endured, but I'm pretty sure the universe will not be able to grant me that particular birthday wish. I still have dreams I possessed decades ago and a few new ones to be manifested. At times, I feel as though my heart will burst for all it holds in passion, hope, and desires.

I have days where I feel unmoored, insignificant... even invisible. It's not just age, but being without family or a partner I've yearned for, and the loss of too many friends that becomes

overwhelming. Loneliness and struggle have become common in this country and other parts of the word in all its dark chaos. I am here for those feeling this way and open to hearing from you. My friends are my family. Life is fragile and swift. I continue to learn, savor my curiosity, and will forever be a beauty seeker. On days when I'm Home in reflection feeling isolated, lonely, and extra sensitive, Lucia is there for me. She follows me and keeps a close eye. Her latest antic was a magician style of finding her way into a closed blind from air to play peek a boo.

When Lucia, (who's birthday is also this month), and I go out on the patio early morning for my tea and our time to take in the sun and nature waking up, it's meditative.. Hummingbird action is in full swing. I have three feeders on the patio and one in the back I see from my bedroom window. There's always a territorial boss hummingbird defending all feeders that I wish he would share, but he carries on with the authentic life he knows. I named him Brutus. He's my favorite one for color with his iridescent orange throat, beige circle around his neck, rust tummy, and a teal back. They are so tiny with a fierceness, and grand spirits unparalleled that I greatly admire. In the photo, Brutus is standing on the perch branch I set up on the patio.

I mentioned gratitude earlier. I'm beyond the worse of part of my recovery from an anatomic shoulder replacement mid-May on my dominant arm. I was rendered incapacitated. I knew it would be difficult on my own to manage. It wasn't just the pain and a sling 24/7, but the need to ask for help causing procrastination. I delayed the surgery for 4-years aware of my reality but also from PTSD as a result of the past. If not for a group of friends, I would've been trapped in a nursing facility... which I was strongly advised not to do because of my immune disorder. I decide to have a gratitude gathering to thank all who helped no matter how small or big. As a true Libra, I love to be a hostess and create something pretty and enticing.

Since I started writing this blog on 9/18, I had a bad fall that evening landing hard on my face

splitting open my chin and feeling a shock of pain up my jaw and head. I'll be going in for an X-ray on my left ribcage causing a lot of pain getting up and down or taking a deep breath. I ache all over. My faceplant was the day before my guild duties for our annual gala for State Street Ballet. I was too tired and too late for me to go to urgent care Friday night, plus I was woozy so it wasn't safe to drive. I chilled, rested, took pain med and rose to the occasion. It was too late to cancel and I'm always one to be counted on. I dressed for the Victorian theme and fulfilled my guest manager position. I had a cocktail that eased things a bit. I ate dinner, came home and fell into bed after removing my makeup. Adrenalin can do wonders and I should know since I've utilized it well on some rough days.

Best wishes for the fall of golden hue to all.🍂 This autumn is also our opportunity to participate in a landslide to create a blue wave and vote OUT the vile, criminal, and corrupt death cult. Fall equinox is about letting go of the dark and bringing in positive light. I'm trusting that Americans will come out in droves to save the UNITED States of America's democracy and the principles of integrity we are meant and committed to stand for under compassion and the Constitution! God help us.

Keep on swimming through life.

Valerie Anne