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Limbo, Chaos, and Cats

Lucia Fortuna Since I was a very little girl, cats have been my refuge and a source of deep affection. After losing my mother at the age of three with a father that wasn't present much physically or emotionally, I buried my face in my cat's fur and purring. Animals are pure of heart and, as we all know, a source of unconditional love. In the present times of a brutal and unprovoked war, a slow moving fascism in the US where Democracy is at risk, suffering of innocent people; mother earth, and wildlife at risk and peril, and whatever burdens we carry in our own lives -- how do we cope with it all? Where best do we find beauty and moments-of-peace? In the last few months, I have felt stuck and in limbo with my writing, the path to getting my book published, and how to move forward as a writer. I'm so grateful that I completed a final draft of my book and especially grateful that individual essays from my book have been published and that I received (very unexpectedly) a finalist award for an international writing competition. And then, it all slowed down. I focused on going to the Dominican Republic this past Dec. to share my workshop "Living and Healing in Color" for breast cancer survivors. It was so fulfilling. I read "Venice Vision" from my book as a launching pad to my workshop. I found it exhilarating to feel a purpose, especially being a breast cancer survivor myself. The ordeal is a grueling one and lovely to be in support. The holidays and beginning couple months brought on a sense of separation and a slow beginning to 2022.

I stare out the window in contemplation and meditation. It brings momentary peace to see my blossoming plants, the hummingbirds taking nectar, the majestic trees and pretty landscape outside my patio. I sip tea. Lucia rests on my legs and stares out the big picture window, mostly interested in the hummingbirds. I need these moments of quiet in the early morning hours before the noise of the day and the world takeover. I have the capacity to take on the hurt in all my sensitivity. I worry. I feel helpless. I imagine that most of us feel helpless and sad over brutality thrust upon humans so undeserving of this tragedy. I gave to Direct Relief and another organization that supplies necessities for feminine care to women in need staying in refugee camps. I will also give to an animal organization to provide care for displaced animals from the war. It's not a lot. We do what we can but it doesn't feel like enough.

I wouldn't mind strong shoulders to lean on a little, but I am literally in 'love limbo'. I'm in limbo with my book and writing, and somewhat in limbo on what path to take in order to move forward. I think part of the reason I've been taking classes from Santa Barbara City College for the last three years is not just due to my desire to learn, but to stay productive and distracted during the pandemic. I'm still taking classes and currently loving my poetry class with a stellar

professor. If nothing else, I'm writing poetry and it's a stimulating challenge for me since I find poetry intimidating. Writing is work but writing well is the hardest work I've ever done. I can't resist a beautifully written love poem in all its forms; unrequited, lost love, and desire. Writing a standout poem is a creative endeavor that proves to be a good challenge. My feeling is, writing poetry can only make my prose better. Our latest assignment was to write a political poem and creating it was like a tricky puzzle. Because of what's going on in the world, my words were biting and laced with utter heartbreak. I find it easier to write about life, love, and loss. Finding just the right partner where chemistry and simpatico meet for the perfect puzzle fit. The pieces of the puzzle are floating out there somewhere and I'll find my way. What do you do to find moments of peace in the midst of chaos? I still bury my face in my cat's fur and give her kisses. Lucia is smart, sassy, and sweet. She loves to receive and give affection and it reminds me how my cats (dog friends too) bring me great calm and pure love. Lucia's purring against my heart takes away anxiety and grounds me. With things opening up again where I could see the Van Gogh exhibit at our local museum and the ballet premiere of Sleeping Beauty were both a much-needed magical departure from the ugliness. Staring out the window to nature and power walking by the ocean decreases stress. When I can swim in warm, aqua-blue water again, I'll experience my bliss. Giving back even in the smallest way to help with the needs war brings can make us feel a little less helpless.

Does any of this resonate to put into action in your own life? I hope so. It might inspire seeking a personalized version of peaceful and loving distractions in your daily life.

Happy Spring! 🌷

Keeping on swimming through life,

Valerie Anne

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