Embracing Solitude: Thriving as a Single During the Holidays

The most sentimental time of the year is upon us. As lifelong romantics (guilty) and those of us who are single, the holidays can inspire a roller coaster of emotions... even fairy tale fantasies. The trick is to create your own rituals. Certainly, if you have family then life becomes full of gatherings. But for those of us who are truly solo, our friends are our family. That said, friends can be busy with their own spouses, families, and traveling. If a single person would like a romantic partner in their lives, and it doesn't come in time for the holidays, treating yourself to something you love isn't a replacement but comforting nonetheless. Taking yourself out for a cappuccino, watching old classic movies or being cozy in bed with tea, a book, and your kitty or dog can offer sweet comfort.

Even during some of the worst times in my life or the feeling of unbearable loneliness (an epidemic in this country), I seek the solace of rituals. Whether the holidays or in general, here are some rituals to share:

*Hanging lights on my patio the day after Thanksgiving

*A live wreath inside my place for a pine scent to remind me of the spirit of Xmas

*Attending holiday parties even when I'd --rather go with a date

*A glass of port on a cold night in a classic ---glass handed down from my parents

*Meeting friends for coffee, breakfast, lunch, or -holiday evening gatherings

*Finding the luxury to stay in, a warm bed --snuggling with Lucia on a rainy morning

*Lighting naturally festive scented candles

*Watching my favorite B&W classic --Christmas movies: "Christmas in Connecticut", Miracle on 34th Street", "It's a Wonderful Life"... and of course, "Love Actually" in modern color

*Daydream

Without family my friends are my family.

Lucia is family - Endlessly grateful for close friends and my therapy cat nearby. What are your favorite rituals during the holidays? If

you are single or on your own for the season that is upon us, what are your favorite

activities that you find enjoyable and brings you comfort? I'd love to hear from you and your thoughts on being single yourself or someone close to you. .

All this said, we need to give ourselves permission to feel whatever we feel around the holidays. I've never been one to be anything but authentic. There are moments of yearning, despair, and loneliness. I'll always feel a romantic pull in my heart. I live with and manage a void I cannot fill, which has to do with early loss and continued loss, as well as not having children--something I've wanted since I was a child myself. We live in chaotic and disturbing times. It's impossible for me to not be deeply effected and concerned. I'm incapable of hiding my head in the sand but find ways to distract and calm my nerves.

I wish you peace, calm, and comfort during the holiday season. As a volunteer for the State Street Ballet, "Nutcracker" is always a hit to put you in the festive spirit. Buy a wreath (even a small one) to hang inside your door, play beautiful Xmas music (Nat King Cole is my favorite), donate nonperishable food to a Unity shop, food bank, etc., connect with like-minded friends who see you, sing carols or sing to music that matches your spiritual beliefs.

Happy Holidays! Keep standing up and fighting for what's right, and stay well.

Keep on swimming through life,

Valerie Anne